First Father's Day

One of the fun traditions I have learned to adopt by marrying into the Kennedy family is to share gifts for every existing holiday and Lindsey does this very well, so for many years, we have given gifts to each other for Mother's Day and Father's Day although not yet parents. Ava's birth, of course, made this year more special for us.

Lindsey brought Ava in to wake me this morning to wish me a happy Father's Day. Seeing her smiling, bubbly face warmed me inside and I held her as much as I could today because she and Lindsey are still in College Station where we spent the weekend. I had to come back to Nacogdoches alone tonight to go to work tomorrow and won't see them until Wednesday.

It amazes me to experience new feelings as a parent. It is commonly said that one cannot understand the love a parent has for a child until one becomes a parent, and that is true. The new feeling I encountered tonight came as I said goodbye to my wife and child. At just under 4 months old, I realized Ava has not yet developed to the point of understanding my absense. When I come home from work, or take her from her crib when she wakes in the morning, she smiles and giggles when she sees me, but when our eyes met as I climbed into the car, I could see that she was not sad that I was leaving, she simply smiled. As sad as I was to leave me little family, that realization made me feel even sadder. I wonder, though, if she does think of me at this stage of her development.

Blessing Day

With General Conference the first weekend of April, our fast and testimony meeting moved the Easter Sunday. The timing worked out well to have Patrick participate in the blessing while he had a couple of weeks home from Iraq. We considered other Sundays because we wanted co-workers to come as well, and we knew most had plans with their own families on Easter. All the men in the family were able to attend: my dad, Scott, Lynn, Aaron, Jacob and Patrick.

Through the week prior to this idea, I spent much time on my knees for the spirit to give me the words for Ava to begin her mortal life.

After giving her a name, I told her she has brought so much joy into the lives and a great number of people, many of whom had not met her yet, and that she should spend her life striving to bring joy to everyone around her. She was blessed to have a testimony of the restored gospel in the latter days and to know and understand the scriptures. I blessed her to participate in all of the ordinances of the gospel from baptism through marriage in the temple. (Lindsey commented to me later that she thought I would bless her to be sealed in the temple with a worthy companion, however, I purposely avoided that language because I try to keep cliches out of blessing).

During the blessing, emotion overcame me as I could feel the love of our Heavenly Father filling the chapel. Later that morning, Kelsey (who held the microphone during the prayer) came to me and commented about how I got choked up during the blessing. All I could say in response was that he would understand when he became a father.

I'm A Dad!!!

At 12:30 p.m. on February 22, 2005, Ava came into our family at 7 lbs 12 oz and 21 inches long. She was the first of several children (we haven't really determined a definite number yet). We arrived at the hospital 12 hours earlier excited about becoming parents and totally clueless at the same time. The staff hooked Lindsey up to several monitors and an IV and she tried to get some sleep between the contractions. I tried sleeping on the little couch thing, if it can be called a couch.

Around 5 a.m. they began giving her petocin to regulate the contractions. She always said she was a believer in the epidural, but the epidural turned out to be the most painful part of the process leading up to birth.

From midnight that night until about 11:30 a.m., I felt useless, although I knew that just being in the room with her helped Lindsey. About that time, the contractions were one minute apart, and all the breathing exercises we learned about in the birthing classes kicked in. Instead of sitting off to the side watching my wife cycle through the pain, I felt like I was taking part of the birthing process. In fact, once the doctor arrived, she didn't say much of anything at all except for encouraging Lindsey to keep going.

For several months prior to this time, I wondered how I would react in the birthing room. Lots of stories floated around about tough guys getting all queesy. Not me, though. I found the experience fascinating. Watching Ava come into this life immediately connected me to her and certainly brought me closer to Lindsey.

Once the nurse took Ava to the table to clear out the fluids and do all the initial checks, I could only stare at this little girl. I felt like a kid in a store with lots of cool stuff to look at but being told not to touch anything. Lindsey gently reminded me to talk to her so she could recognize my voice.

For the next two days, I thought a lot about who I am and what I have done in my life. When I had a chance to watch Ava in the nursery by myself, I offered up a prayer promising to be a better man for my wife and my child. And I hope I will be.